When an elevator stopped at my floor, it was filled to capacity. a petite woman got out, so I crammed in my size foot, 200 pound frame. The door closed, leaving me facing a dozen cramped passengers. Embarrassed, I said lightly, "it's basic law of physics that if one person gets off, another can get on."
"Only if they are of equal mass!" A pained voice from the back of an elevator rang.
by David D. Fagerland.
Parents' Day
During Parents' Day at my daughter's school, I read an essay she'd written about an evening at home: "Last night, dad made supper and put us to bed, because mum was out looking for a man."
She failed to mention that I am a police officer.
by Racheal Faulkner.
Foreign land
My brother's company sent him to Norway for several months to install a computer system. he and his colleagues worked to 80 hours a week. Leaving him little time to see the sights. Still, knowing how much he enjoys experiencing different cultures, I was interested in his observation about the custom of Norway.
"Say something in Norwegian" I suggested.
"Trykk en tast for a forsette," he said.
Translation? "Press any key to continue."
by Denise Meier.
Old English Sheepdog
It was the tenth day of an on-air auction to benefit the public television station where I was director of fund raising. I helped out with phone calls from merchandise donors, and eventually was exhausted as my staff.
" I'd like to donate an Old English Sheepdog puppy,"
my next caller offered.
" I'm sorry," I answered wearily, "but we're only
accepting new items."
The owner of a gourmet-ice-cream shop was extremely profit oriented. He warned me that my scoops were too generous. During a lunch-time rush, the owner come to assist at the counter. " May I help you, sir?" he acted are of our regular customers.
" No thanks," replied the man, who then nodded in
my direction.
" I am waiting for the Big Dipper."
Package Of Delivery
A woman inquiring overnight service to California called a small package
corner company where I work. I assured her the package corner company where
I work.
I assured her the package would arrive by morning and then asked what
the contents. She said it contained her Uncle Albert's ashes.
" I'm sorry, ma'am," I said, " we didn't carry
human remains."
" Oh, but you have to!" she replied with urgency,
"He'll miss his funeral!"
Eyes' Hazard
Following an eye exam, my doctor gave me a prescription for glasses. Unwilling to face reality, I questioned the need for it and suggested that I might get the glasses at a later date. Right away my doctor handed me a quarter.
" If you decide not to get your glasses," he said,
" please telephone me the next time you plan
on driving out that I can call my wife
and tell her to get our children out of the street."
I get the glasses.
During the first few weeks after quitting smoking. I admit I was difficult to line with. Apologizing to my wife for my short temper, I commented,
" I've you from 'happy' to 'grumpy'. What's next?"
"Lonely," she replied.
While waiting to board a plane in a small airport, we heard the ticket agent on the paging system:
"Would the person who dropped his pants please return to the ticket counter."
After a slight pause, the same voice added,
"the pants were on a hanger!"
HERE IS A LITTLE SOMETHING EXTRA TO PONDER OVER .........